Blog On!

I'm gonna start writing this again.

The Passion Of The Blog

I just gave up with this didn't I? Well, as of today the blog will be resurrected and given overdue attention.

A lot has happened since November, as you can imagine, so I'll be ruthless and just post the best bits. However, it's 7am and I'm going for breakfast, so it will have to wait until tonight!

You have all probably forgotten what I look like. Until I get a proper post up, here is a reminder....I don't want to deprive anyone of my handsome pus for too long. Look at my tongue, it's wearing a yellow sock!




The reluctant focus of my affections are Ben and Casey. You will learn more about them in the next post. They are part of the notorious "Mokdong 5", banned from McDonald's restaurants around Seoul for foolishness, quite justifiably, as this next picture demonstrates.

The Chambers And Haggis Retrospective

Recently, we had the pleasure of entertaining friends and family in the form of Chambers and Steven.

We explored the palaces, perused the many places of historical importance, gregariously hiked the picturesque mountains, and immersed ourselves in Eastern culture. Unsurprisingly, we also sampled the local beverages.

Upon realization that we were the only people at the arrival gate without a sign, we hurriedly improvised a hilarious " Dumb & Dumber" placard, so our visitors would not be confused so early in their adventures. Finally, the weary twosome emerged from the gate, bleary eyed from a combination of in-flight booze and 12 hours of watching The Pacifier on repeat. This is possibly not accurate, but I wasn't there, and this is the torture I've experienced previously on this airline. If it wasn't a Vin Diesel film, it was probably the latest Steven Seagal film. If there is one.

So.....

Chambers and Steven (a.k.a. Haggis) had made Korea their home for the next month. Notwithstanding an ill-advised trip to Japan, where the vending machines serve HOT cans of coffee. Just like Korea. In-joke.

It was ages ago. And, I'm pished. So let's have a look at he pretty pictures shall we?





FC Seoul are shite. BUT, they have a very cool strip, and a nice stadium. As if this wasn't reason enough to watch them annihilate Daejeon, the guys found the time to teach the normally genial fans how to provoke riots. Before Chambers and Steven joined the Seoul Barmy Army, the taunts climaxed with a chant of " We think your team is very not good!". Afterwards.....the massive were left singing "Smell yer Ma, you bunch of bastards". A picture does exist of some 12 year old Seoul fans giving a " Smell yer Ma" salute. I was ashamed when I saw these pictures....





Sometimes, we visited some important cultural sights, such as Gyeongbokgung. Actually, I didn't, because I was suffering with a mammoth hangover, and had been there 28 times. So, I stayed in bed. It's still a nice place though. Look, it's almost like a honeymoon photo aaaaawwww!



We had so many good times over the month. Sometimes we absorbed the culture of Korea. Sometimes we got shockingly drunk. On occasion, we combined the two, to dizzying effect. The most shocking example of this occurred on a crisp and clear fall morning when we had planned to visit the UNESCO designated Suwon Hwaseong, an old fortress wall surrounding the city of Suwon, south of Seoul.

The previous night had begun as "a few drinks", and somehow transformed into the typical situation of myself and Chambers sitting outside the 7/11 drinking beer out of paper cups, asking passers-by where they might be going at 9am. Some of them said they were going to work. Some said nothing. Occasionally someone would tell us to fuck off. It was all fun of course, and after a while we decided we were made of stern enough stuff to stay awake and go to the fortress without sleep, or any hint of sobriety.



Wow, in the picture we look quite respectable. It was a fun day, but the king size Sapporo's and banal chat of a lonesome American guy finally tipped me into delusion, and I began to forget where we were. And, what day it was. And, actually, everything in general. Staying up all night boozing is bad kids. After this, we tried to go to the Seoul film festival to see Suspiria, but I fell asleep in the taxi and then had an unfortunate incident in a "squatter" toilet, and called it a night. So, I can't comment on the Steven and Chambers experience.



It was a lovely day when we went to the War Memorial Museum. We learned many things about Korean history and the Korean war. Also, with it being midweek, we became the main exhibit with countless school trips fascinated by our presence. It was probably as interesting a cultural experience to our guests as the museum itself. For three hours we were stared at and asked how we were by gaggles of kids, which, I think, is always fun. However, this was more intense than the usual street experience, and after a while, we longed for those replica anti-personnel guns to be real.





Steven was so in awe of the museum he failed to notice the brown giant try to steal his wallet.



This is Korea. As you know by now, when you get drunk, there is a good chance that you will start singing. It's possibly something they put in the soju, but everyone in Korea, regardless of actual talent. One night we met the local crooner in a little bar called Happening. Chambers and Steven will be happy to know, we still frequent this place, as does the guy above, Gyo Hyang. When we met him, he serenaded us with various poorly worded Beatles songs, and we eventually went to the Singing Room (noraebang) with him. He had a penchant for Chambers, labelling him, "Best Handsome" and "Crazy Mel Gibson". On account of his Scottish nationality. Of course.



In Korea, you eat a lot. Always. So, we had many meals of kalbi, accompanied by a lot of beer and soju. This usually leads to pubs, clubs and drum festivals, as you can see in the following pictures.

It was a fantastic month, and I hope Steven and Chambers agree, and there were many more outings and situations which I seem to have lost from my camera. Let's finish with some good old pictures of drunken debauchery, from various locations in Seoul...

The Two Sides Of Bukhansan

It's been a long time since the last post, and the reason for such a delay was an influx of new teachers, and a visit from Chambers and Steven, both resulting in a hectic social calender over the last few weeks. There is so much to report, and predictably, a multitude of entertaining/embarrassing drunken photos to post. So, while I continue with the painstaking process of adding these pictures to the blog, you can have a wee look at two very different, recent trips to Bukhansan. The first of these was a solo excursion; an personal experiment in gauging the feasibility of hiking the mountain during the week, and returning in time for work at 4pm. I was extremely fortunate with the weather, and it was the first time I've had the pleasure of seeing the area on such a clear, beautiful day. The next trip, a mere 5 days later, was with Chambers and Steven. Despite weather forecasts to the contrary, we were shrouded by freezing fog all the way up, very similar conditions to my first ever climb here, with the old chanting woman at the summit.

HIKE ONE........

(If you look really closely, you can see the flag on the peak of the mountain. See that white dot!)

(The Fall, sorry...Autumn colours were starting to come out in full force)

(Nearing the peak of the mountain, Baegundae, I was rewarded with the magnificent views that the fog had previously obscured. This is northern Seoul, most likely Dobong-gu, with Suraksan in the distance.)

(And so begins the best part of the climb. Remember the first time I was here? The whole rock face was covered in sheet ice. It was obviously easier this time, but still a good idea to get the cheap gloves on, as it's mostly extremely steep, requiring metal cables.)

(The view of the interior of the park was particularly stunning from the summit)

(Dobongsan, the northern section of Bukhansan National Park, as seen from Baegundae.)

(Joshim Haseyo! Be Careful! Always a good one for impressing Korean hikers)

(Don't laugh at the gloves!)

(No, this isn't dinner. He's a Buddhist!)

(As it turns out, it IS possible to complete a good hike and get home in time for a shower before school. JUST. However, I was absolutely shattered for the whole teaching shift. As I returned home, I found these cheeky characters, who adopted a taekwondo stance with very little persuasion. They even gave a very polite bow as I bade them farewell. Cool kids.)

HIKE TWO.....

(Stupid inaccurate weather forecast. Clear blue skies and 19 degrees it said. Wrong!)

(They took my advice and bought a pair of 50p gloves before we started. Lord knows why Chambers opted for the mauve coloured pair.)

(Baegundae, where the views should be limitless. Instead, we had smoky void all around us, which is quite cool actually, with a certain mystical, ethereal quality. Until a Korean dude drops his water bottle, which rolls off the edge, and may or may not have killed an unsuspecting hiker.)

(The last year I came to this temple, there was no horrible green fence here. It's the only time I've ever seen a fence prohibiting entry to temple grounds. Maybe the monk's dog had been savaging people and it was for our own safety. Anyway, there's a better temple up the hill. Onwards!)

This second hike was amazing as well. A clear day obviously improves the experience, but only marginally, in my opinion. It's all about getting to the top, and, if it's a weekend, getting to the bottom and getting smashed on makkeolli and eating kimchi and seafood pancakes with the crazy hiking folk. We took a little detour on the way back, and we spotted a fairly large Buddha protruding from the treetops. I had no idea it existed, so I can't wait to go back and investigate.

Nine Inch Nails (Seoul Olympic Hall)

As you may already well know, South Korea (presumably the North also!) struggles to entice any noteworthy bands to play here. This point was comically illustrated last year when I paid around 50 pounds to see "nu metal titans" Korn. If you missed that, it was actually a surprisingly fun trip down memory lane, thanks to a hefty slice of early material, and I dreamed whimsically of the days spent sitting outside certain record stores, trading mix tapes and scowling at passers-by. If you remember the names of either of my mix tape series, post it in the comments and you will win a prize, possibly some form of delicious food that even stranded marines avoid until they run out of elephant dung.


We managed to get away from work early, at 7.30pm, and faced a mad dash to the other side of Seoul for a concert beginning at 8pm. Fortunately, our subway line is the same line as the venue, so no irritating transfers, but it still takes an hour to cross the city. Hearing an indecipherable throb and rattle from the venue, we presumed Nine Inch Nails were not on yet, and rapidly quaffed some beers outside. As it turned out, there was no support band, and NIN started at bang on 8pm! Luckily, they played a generous two and a half set, so we still saw at least 80 minutes and it was absolutely superb. I'd go so far as to say, if the venue was full, it wasn't a Tuesday, I could get drunk and have a good jump around, it would easily be one of the best gigs ever, and I've seen thousands, the product of a misspent youth given to the debauched excess and spirit of rock!


I remember, as in "High Fidelity", writing numerous Top 5 lists back in school, and NIN were my number one in "Bands You Want To See, But Haven't". I have since found the setlist from the night, and if you are a fan of the band, prepare to be fairly excited....

Hyperpower!
The Beginning of the End
Heresy
Terrible Lie
March of the Pigs
Something I Can Never Have
Closer
Survivalism
Burn
Gave Up
Me I'm Not
The Great Destroyer
Eraser
Only
Wish
No You Don't
Piggy
The Good Soldier
The Day the World Went Away
Dead Souls
Suck
Down In It
The Hand That Feeds
Head Like a Hole
Hurt

Throw in a remix of Happiness In Slavery, and you probably couldn't construct a better set.

We entered just as "Me, I'm Not" was starting, and while it's a little depressing seeing some of the classics we had missed, you can probably still see there were numerous classics still to come. Unfortunately, my camera still takes videos with abysmal sound, so the only video for now will be of "Hurt", which was absolutely incredible. Spine-tingling almost. BUT, if you are a fan, and interested, Lynne has brilliant videos which I will put up when we figure out how to make them smaller so that Youtube accepts them. Any ideas?

Well, here are some pictures. For part of the show, they played behind an electronic screen which intermittently flashed images in between TV static, giving the impression that the band were playing inside a broken TV, which was very cool. Also, the sound was amazing, and the electronic beat-orientated moments often bludgeoned the likes of The Chemical Brothers in terms of volume and creativity.

For me, the undoubted highlights were Hurt, Wish, Eraser, and Head Like A Hole, which still sounds AMAZING, despite being almost 20 years old. That song reminds you why Time Magazine dubbed Trent Reznor "The Most Important Man In Music" back then, it's still absolutely fantastic, and completely timeless. That's Time Magazine too, not Kerrang or something! All that was left to do was the obligatory poster theft from the venue, and I went home extremely happy.

Making Freddie Proud

Words fail me.....

Rodeo, Rodeo....Where for art thou Rodeo?

It was a particularly sunny day on Sunday, so despite nursing the trauma of the previous two late nights, Lynne and I went on an expedition in our surrounding area. Our goals were as follows.... 1) Locate the alleged Mokdong Rodeo Drive....2) Locate the nearby Cash' N Carry type place, Costco..... 3) Investigate the Mokdong Stadium complex to try and find out if there is a local football, baseball or hockey team to support and booze at before nights out. Also to check whether the ice rink supplied skates for people with mutant feet like me. You know what they say about guys with big feet eh? Well, if it's an ice rink, it's usually.... "Fuck off yeti", but on this rare occasion, it appears I may be in luck.

First of all, we found a brilliant t-shirt in Hyundai Department Store, as you can see below. The pop star salesman looked a little bemused, and slightly upset that we were laughing at the merchandise. Probably as he was wearing the same t-shirt.



After an hour of searching, we had failed to find Rodeo Drive. Obviously, finding such an area is really of zero interest to me, but it had become a mission, so we persevered. However, in place of Prada, Gucci, and Versace signs, we were firmly entrenched in an area displaying Sexy Bar, Massageee, and Hungry And Homeless signs instead. Luckily, I was able to strike one thing off my shopping list that day. I needed to buy washing powder, some socks and a new suit of armour, and was very fortunate to come across the "Suit Of Armour" shop. You know, just the necessities. Either way, thank the heavens for such useful shops, and I clanked clumsily onwards with my wench by my side.



Armour gets very hot, so I passed it reluctantly to a passing peasant boy, knowing that the fairytale realm of Mokdong would be safe under his rule. After such shenanigans, the quest to conquer Costco was put on hold, and sadly, we realised that at the stadium complex we could have been watching either "Bolshoi On Ice" or the Under-17's World Cup Final this afternoon.

Alas, my spirits were lifted when I examined the imported beer section in the supermarket to find an intimidatingly large green bottle named "Genghis Khan Hi-Tech Beer", at a lofty 7%. Also, fake champagne at a satisfying one pound fifty. We proceeded to while away a couple of hours being mildly entertained by Disturbia, despite the cinema trying to poison my body with Coke Zero. On the way home through my ghetto, the delightfully quirky Sinjeong-4-Dong, we saw many of my neighbours hanging their red peppers out to dry in the evening sun. As you do. There, that was a very interesting post now wasn't it!?

KNC Monthly Newsletter

Imagine my surprise, when at our recent weekly teachers meeting, I was told to submit an essay for inclusion in this months school newsletter to the parents. I didn't even know we had a newsletter. Plus, I could sense a collective sense of relief in the room, as many long serving teachers had never had to write an essay for thousands of parents to study and critique. I weighed up a number of topics to discuss, and whittled it down to a shortlist of.....

"The Life And Times Of Jean Claude Van-Damme"

"Kimchi and Cheese Omelettes"

"The Phantom Menace. Why?"

Then, I realised I should probably just write about something natural. Recently, another spate of TV programmes here have attempted to label all English teachers as greedy, ignorant, drug-taking, violent, drunken, illegal degree possessing criminals, a dangerous blight on their society. Granted, there probably are a few people here who encompass all of these qualities, but the media sometimes use a very broad brush to paint a much more inflammatory and hideous picture for the viewing audience. I decided to write an essay describing my reasons for coming to Korea, so at least the parents can have a little more insight. Ultimately, it isn't an essay extolling the numerous virtues of the country itself, as I really didn't want to lick any arses. But, hopefully they realise that money isn't everyone's reason for coming here, as is the common misconception (I've been told by taxi drivers that I make W5,000,000 a month! That's more than double).

Regarding the accusation of "drunken", I regrettably have no defence. Oh, I may have been 'creative' in the essay, as in being able to play the guitar. What a lie haha! Lastly, to all my friends, don't misinterpret the comment about weekends being boring, I mean the part of the weekend that didn't involve getting smashed and having fun. That is never boring.

"On a fairly frequent basis, I am asked by a variety of different people, what exactly led to me leaving my home to seek employment on the other side of our planet. Some people find this a terrifying prospect, while others view it a natural and agreeable act. In this short essay, I will address some of these issues, and highlight feelings that are undoubtedly shared by many of my peers. This is not an account of the many reasons why I like living in Korea, but rather the changes within myself due to my coming here.

The decision to live and work in a foreign land is certainly never made lightly. Such relocation usually marks a point in your life of vast significance and boundless possibility. There are numerous reasons why you might desire a change of such magnitude. Personally, despite its own merits, I had become bored of living in my native country, which no longer provided me with sufficient stimulation or inspiration. As the days blended seamlessly, subsequently the passing months also began to merge into one indistinguishable, vacuous whole. Despite a strong network of loving friends and family, I had begun to feel restless and unfulfilled, and desperately craved a lifestyle hitherto unknown to me.

After much deliberation, I concluded that the most attractive solution would be to immerse myself in a foreign culture, stripping away certain familiarities and home comforts, and placing myself in a position so markedly different from my own that I would be forced to learn and adapt in order to carve out a happy existence. In doing so, I imagined that I would reinvigorate myself both mentally and physically, and tap into once forgotten veins of creativity, such as my ambition to write a movie screenplay, and possibly film a short movie.

The opportunity to teach English in South Korea presented itself as a means by which I could satisfy my hunger for travel, while pursuing my career as a teacher. Fortunately, my fourteen months here have delivered everything I had hoped, and I feel excited at the prospect of another year in this beautiful country. Although, as I previously stated, people have myriad reasons behind their decision to come here, I can testify that for anyone in a similar position to myself, it can potentially alter the way you view life in general, and your position within it. Teaching children is extremely rewarding, and it gives me great pleasure to do so. Also, whereas the end of a working week used to signify a weekend of perfunctory routine, I now anticipate each weekend with fervor, as each one is usually punctuated by an enjoyable cultural or scenic experience, or quite often both simultaneously.

Although I still have no completed screenplay sitting on a Hollywood producers desk, my relocation has, indeed, imbued me with the motivation necessary to embark on such projects. Since arriving in Korea, in March 2006, I have lost weight, began to learn a new language, discovered a wealth of local musical talent, made many new friends, learned guitar, discovered a passion for hiking, and initiated preparations for a short movie. Without the mental ignition provided by my temporary home country, I doubt half of these interests would have advanced past procrastination.

Living and working in a foreign country can initiate a reawakening in a person, increase their knowledge and happiness, and provide them with the most unforgettable memories. With this sustained effect, I look forward to another year of continued exploration, productivity, and enlightenment."