The Future Of Korea (And Afghanistan)

I do sometimes miss teaching kindergarten. I miss being able to reduce them all to hysterics with such simple acts as going cross-eyed, putting a pen on my head, or throwing them in the air and usually catching them.

However, for all the cuteness and hilarity, it was consistently hard work, and often descended into complete unstructured madness which left you feeling absolutely exhausted. Also, the elementary classes I used to teach were invariably below the standard of some kindergarten classes, but with added attitude and nonchalance. This, I now realise, despite having zero extra teacher duties, was a very poor situation to be in.

How refreshing, then, to experience an almost pedantically organised school, and to teach one of the more advanced levels, B5. I can give any instructions to these kids, and they will usually understand first time. Luckily, there are still quite a few comedians to help elevate the atmosphere north of Auschwitz, only this time, they do it from the comfort of their own seat, and know when enough is enough. I have officially never had to employ the teacherly "Claw Of Doom" once in this first two months. Here are some of my current crop......

(B501 - Ann, Paige, Christina, Felicity, Emily, Jenny, Jane, Calvin, David. Disappointingly, no comical names, I'll have to name some of the new batch when they arrive. I'm thinking Rambo, Lucifer, Screech, and Withnail will do the trick. If there are twins again, like those absent today, then possibly Lambert and Butler. The resident geniuses in B501 are Ann and the twins, although inexplicably David scored highest on the monthly test. I watched him during the test and I could swear he was picking random answers, or maybe he is actually a cheeky wee brainbox. While I mark homework, I let them all chat, so long as it is in English, and I always receive my daily wrestling update listening to Calvin and David, and watching them re-enact moves with the contents of their pencil cases. Usually, The Undertaker is played by the jumbo black marker, Batista the ruler, and Kane the Stanley Knife that I really need to speak to David about.....)

(B504 - Regina, Michelle, Diana, Susie, Jamie, Helen, Annie, Billy, George, Leo, Sam. Ah, the only class which sometimes threaten to go too far, due to the raucous duo on the right hand side. Again, no names that are likely to raise a smile, unless you're from Saskatchewan. Resident genius would be Jamie, but, again, in the monthly test it was a home run for the boys, with Sam and Leo bagging the top two places. They are both going through an Afghanistan phase, and would like to join the Taliban and take on George Bush ("Bushyman"). They also claim to know where Osama Bin Laden is ("He is my father!"). However, this is all done with tongue firmly in cheek, I think. A typical B504 class will be punctuated at regular intervals Sam shouting "I love you teacher!", "Teacher, I'm your number one fan", and "(insert name of celebrity) is my father!". Usually, there will be an exchange between a few class members running similar to this...

"What are you looking at?!"
"Your face!"
"You are a crazy person."
"Your face is crazy."
"You are handicapped"
"You need to go to the mental hospital"
"Teacher, teacher! He/she is handicapped. Take her to mental hospital!"

This is usually depicted in full glory by arms being reinserted up sleeves with elbows sticking out like stumps, and flapped around. It's at this point I have to restore order to the class. However, when they are kept in line, they are a clever and entertaining bunch, despite aspirations in global terrorism.)

Here are another couple of B504, complete with Billy being attacked by mime fireballs. I'm going to take the camera in again on Friday, and see if anyone wants to be videoed talking nonsense. I'm sure I can rustle up some volunteers!