War! What Is It Good For?

When Frankie wasn't going off to Hollywood, or relaxing in order to "just do it", he stormed the airwaves and asked this question of everyone. "Absolutely nothing!" came the reply!

Of course we all know this, but at certain times in life it's important to remind yourself of the shocking atrocities that are occurring, and have occurred, in the world. However, history has never been my strong point, and for a semi-intelligent person it seems to take a monumental effort for me to take any interest in the news and current affairs. I know how ignorant that is, but it all seems so boring most of the time. I'd rather watch Schindlers List or something.

A visit to the Korean War Memorial Museum served to rectify this matter a little, by offering a spectacularly packaged and exhaustively comprehensive history lesson. It turned out to be, not only interesting, but easily the largest and most enjoyable museum I've ever been to.

The courtyard is dominated by a magnificent monument dedicated to those who lost their lives in the Korean War. Personally, if I designed something which sybolized such sombre subject matter, I wouldn't make it quite so phallic. Not that I noticed that at the time, as you are completely in awe of how tall and stately it appears.

A line of huge bronze figures encircle the monument, all sporting morbidly anguished faces. As you would in the middle of a war I expect!


The "Two Brothers" statue. Also very big and impressive. The next few pictures show you some selections from the outdoor display of military aircraft, tanks, missiles, and anti-aircraft guns. Nice!










The picture above is the cockpit of a large bomber. It was good how none of the aircraft had been restored or reconditioned on the inside, they were basically untouched from the moment they finished their last mission. Which meant all the switches and levers looked pretty delapidated, I remember seeing more trustworthy mechanics in my Mum's old Datsun Cherry. This cockpit was so bloody hot I couldn't even squeeze into that metal seat for a picture dammit!

Speaking of which, the weather was quality on that day, so we were able to get a nice view of Seoul Tower from the other side of downtown.


Inside, the museum is absolutely huge! For some reason, however, we seemed to take the most random pictures, mostly of paintings and "dioramas". Actually, I say "we", but Lynne won't want to be linked to any of that behaviour after repeatedly slagging me for taking pictures of such things at the time! I couldn't help myself, as not only were they extremely impressive, but they generally depicted savagery and bloodshed, which seems to be a recurring theme in Korea's troubled history.

This diorama portrays the famous "Incheon Landing" staged by the Americans. I'm too tired to give any minor lessons in the Korean War, but basically this was a manouevre deemed foolhardy by most high ranking military leaders, which in fact proved successful and turned the tide on the North Koreans, severing their supply routes and forcing them to retreat.


This particular part of the museum was very sentimental for me and gave me a yearning for Dundee. Seeing the decay and destitution the war refugees were accustomed to recalled many scenes of home, not to mention the dirt smudged faces of the youngsters. I took a few minutes to remember affectionately the Lochee High Street, composed myself, and pressed onward with a lump in my throat.



Here we are in front of a big shiny plane. How did they get it in there I wonder? And how do they get all those new cars inside shopping centres all the time as competition prizes. The mind boggles. A nice Korean ex-navy man took this picture for us and told us some interesting stuff about the war. He was there with his two young daughters and was desperate for them to show off their English skills. When they failed to cooperate he almost dragged one away from admiring a tank to tell us their "English name". Which they didn't know. Money on English lessons well spent as usual!



A Korean man having a snooze. This happens anytime, anywhere. And why not eh?


I've always been quite intolerant of those people I deem to be Mongols, so it was satisfying to see the Korean Army share this sentiment.


This picture is amusing, only due to it's shocking caption! In case you can't see it...."Give me my face back fellow soldiers!". A little bit distasteful, and completely at odds with the tone of this display showing excavated remains of the Korean War dead. I guess it didn't sound so ridiculous before the translation.


This is possibly my favourite part of the whole museum. A truly brilliant bit of history, albeit, a little unlucky for those it affected. When South Korea started pushing back north, for reasons I forget, but probably linked to Communism, China decided to throw their hat into the ring, and help the North Koreans. However, the Chinese Red Army had almost no supplies at their disposal, and were forced to improvise as best they could. In a decision of genius, due to having no rifles or firearms, whole infantries were sent out with one grenade each......and a flute. For me this conjures up more than a few amusing images. Like soldiers wasting their sole grenade and attemting to escape while playing a flute and dancing a jig. Or two soldiers fighting with flutes, Jedi-style.



All joking aside, it was a fantastic experience, and I feel much more knowledgable on this chapter in Korean history. And obviously, after hearing in great detail the horrors endured by those involved in what historians call "The Forgotten War", I can even more wholeheartedly agree with that laughable 80's band. War...What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Well....maybe a free flute.

No Shame

This is one post I'm really not too sure about. I'm a little bit apprehensive about how embarrassing this might be. In the past, I have not hesitated from posting pictures of my damp crotch (not actually pee, in case you missed that), describing squid vomit in lurid detail, and, possibly the most damaging display of all, devoting a whole post to the flowers of Spring. I know some people back home were alarmed at this last one, with speculaton of me turning into Elton John or something.

Happily, I'm not wearing powdered wigs and abusing paparazzi quite yet, and despite one moment of flowery inspiration, my fool time job remains as a drunken buffoon. Except when in the classroom of course. Excluding that ONE time that is.

So, as if that point needed any emphasising, I've decided to post 2 typical Noraebang moments, showcasing our vocal expertise and dance moves. In our defence, please remember this was at around 5am after copious amounts of formaldehyde tainted Korean booze.

The first clip is just the first verse of the Pearl Jam classic, "Jeremy". Possibly a 6/10 on the "Blushometer". I've never mentioned that by some freak accident I've lost 3 stones since last October. You could never tell in this video. I blame it on the bloating effect of the beer. Yeah....that's what it is! What it always has been I tell you!



Now, this is a definite 10/10 on the "Blushometer". If you can manage to sit through the whole song, then I will buy you a drink when I see you. At some points it sounds like I'm trying to pass a kidney stone or something. Truly painful. The highlight for me is my mid-song tambourine solo, I'm sure you'll love it. Due to the file being too big for YouTube, I used some shit trial thing to shrink the size. The result is a dark grainy video with the company banner obscuring the shot. Luckily, you can still hear us in all our glory.

Another Post About Food!

Just wanted to post a quick "before" shot of a recent meal. There's a certain beauty in the rawness when it's all assembled in front of you! This is Samgyupsal, sort of like delicious thick bacon, and a snip at £4 perserving. And look at all the good stuff surrounding it!


Don't be put off by what looks like lots of fat. Back home I was a real puff for having to rip every bit of fat off the likes of bacon, but this stuff quickly turns brown, and is soft rather than chewy. Sitting on the floor can be a literal pain, but obviously you feel cool for doing it anyway.

It Was Fun While It Lasted....

Well, they fought a fairly good fight, but the fortunes of the mighty Daehan Minguk came crashing to an end at 6am on Saturday morning. Having done my usual, and not made this post straight after the event, I will just post an abridged version of the evenings events. By leaving it too late, I always forget things that were fresh in my mind, and then get newer more recent things, worthy of a wee blog. I aim to rectify this from now on, and really try to stay on top by posting smaller, more regular topics.


There's no need to get into the technicalities of the importance of this match. Those that care about the World Cup will already know, and those that haven't given a shite from the beginning, will no doubt care even less now. Suffice to say, Korea needed to secure a victory againt the Swiss. As previously reported, we planned to get into the spirit of things and dress up like buffoons, but in the end, I decided I couldn't wear a bandana for any occasion as they are possibly the most uncool item of clothing ever, apart from maybe those sad t-shirts in Dundee that inexplicably have things like "Scarface" with Pacino's image printed on them. I never understood those, but anyone wearing one was usually a twat, I know that much.

After the bandana desicion, we started drinking like maniacs and having fun painting flags on ourselves. Why does the South Korean flag ("Taegukgi") have to be so difficult? It was the one and only time we regretted not living in bastard Japan. If you've never looked closely, each of the 4 corner symbols are different, and considering the intricacies, I think I did a half decent job. Also, taking into account I was smashed by that point, hardly the steady hand of a surgeon!

After getting to a good level of drunkeness, we went to the bus stop, only to realise the last bus had already left for Seoul at 11pm. It's lucky our Korean is getting half decent, or we would have been standing there like red retards for half the night. This gave us a proper moment of panic, as we were fairly sure the last subway was at about 11.15, and getting a taxi all that way would be a fair dent in the wallet. With some quick thinking we nabbed a taxi to the subway station, narrowly making the last train, and taking our seats beside an army of Red bound for Seoul City Plaza.

Upon exiting Gyeongbokgung station, the first thing to greet our ears were the familiar chants of "Daehan Minguk". Only this time, it was a little different! You could tell that these disembodied voices hailed from almost a mile away from where we stood, but due to the sheer mass of people involved, the volume was mightily impressive. In a way, it was almost intimidating, like some kind of Red Godzilla laying waste to the City Hall area. The picture below was as we approached the crowds, and the sky was filled with spotlights and lasers. On the left you can see some big boards filled with post-it notes of support for the national team.



However, before joining this many-legged red beast taking over downtown, a more pressing matter was at hand. Two to be exact, where to find a toilet before I had a massive accident, and where to find more beer. You'd think that by finding one, you'd find the other, but not in Korea. Eventually, bladders emptied, we found a little Hof which appeared to be a converted loft-space, as you had to stoop down when you stood up in it. We were invited to join 3 Koreans, and share their fantastically disgusting "anju" (side dishes in bars). Always being up to a challenge, I chewed a fair whack of dried cuttlefish, but did not enjoy the little fish that you used to fish out of ponds and keep in a tupperware box when you were young. I did anyway. Just like bees and wasps in jam jars, seemed fun at the time. Anyway, this Korean lady, in between clinging to my arm far too much for comfort, took it upon herself to forcefeed me more fish, heads and all. The best thing about drinking with Koreans, is that you both understand each other more and more as you get drunker. It's always a quality laugh.



It was time to join the masses, and we still had a problem. It was only about 1am, three hours until kick-off, and we needed beer. Turns out there was no need to worry, as in amongst the estimated 1 million people sitting around, there were numerous beer-vendors. We stocked up on Hite (pictured below) and carried on into the belly of the beast. Trying not to stand on too many people on the way.


Below is an action shot. Either Lynne had a drunkenly unsteady hand, or these people were in as much of a rush as me to find some beer.


Now, we had presumed that there was only big screens at the one spot, outside City Hall. This made me question the reports of how many people had turned up for the previous games, as the area is big, but not THAT big. It turned out, there were about 15 massive screens, not just outside of City Hall, but at the start and end of EVERY downtown street as far as we could see. It was truly jaw-droppingly awesome. Walking between areas was fairly time consuming, and a combination of over-population, and lack of logic, led to some pretty dangerous congestion at some points, neccesitating some old school space-making moshpit tactics! Fortunately, the contingency plan of windmilling everyone with a carrier bag of Hite was never required, and we fought safely to a good vantage point. (Which was very close to a screen, not where the following pictures are taken from!)



As you expect here, everyone around us were very friendly, and kept us supplied with bland rice crackers and newspaper to sit on. It's hard to imagine 1 million pissed western people even sitting down together, let alone managing to enjoy an entire night with not one visible fight or harsh word between them. And, even as the final whistle sounded, and a wave of depression swept through the streets, there was no animosity directed at us or any of the other "Whiteys" milling around. Which is a good thing, because we already had to face "The World's Most Horrible Subway Journey!" for the next 40 minutes. It seemed like 5 hours. The hangover was so pounding, that in between dozing and drooling on some mans shoulder, I thought I was on a train to Hell. Below is a shot at 6am, hometime for the fans, and unfortunately, hometime for the team too.