New Lodger, New Flat

Not content with giving a herd of cockroaches free reign of my apartment, Mother Nature has taken it upon herself to invite one more interloper along for shits and giggles.

This is Boris The Spider.

He doesn't actually live in the apartment, just in the corridor outside. You can't really tell from these crap photos, but he's a complete beast, a super-arachnid, and he has constructed the biggest web of all time. It's the Trump Towers of silk-based dwellings. At last count he has successfully ensnared at least 20 hapless airborne nasties for future feasting.

Worryingly, as the size and scope of this Superweb expands, it grows dangerously close to head-level. It's quite obvious that one dark night my forehead will trigger this trap and Boris will be upon me, all yellow legs and chomping jaws.



Speaking of apartments, the boss has told us we will probably have to move, as these ones are costing him too much. He assures us the new place is fantastic, with 3 bedrooms, and very modern, and he seems a man of his word so far. We're looking forward to it actually, as, even though we love these apartments, it'll be nice to have a proper living area for watching films and hosting carry-outs. It might actually be just across from our beloved park, in the apartments pictured below, so we'll still have the track, badminton, and basketball on our doorstep. Which is a good thing, as it's still around 28 degrees this week, with bright blue skies.

And, even more fantastically, we are on holiday all week! It's the major Korean holiday Chuseok, and we received some genius gifts from the boss man. I was presented with a "Delicious Ham Gift Set", which is literally 5 blocks of flesh and some mustard. And Lynne is delighted with her toiletries gift set, including EIGHT TUBES OF TOOTHPASTE. Superb.

Dundee Trio Jailed!

A couple of weekends ago, we visited Seodaemun Prison in Seoul, with our old chum Northy accompanying us. It was forcibly built during the Japanese occupation, and has stood for almost 80 years as historical testament to the ordeals, grief, and tumultuous events of modern Korean history. When the Japanese occupied Korea by force, they started to build the prison in 1907. It was completed on October 21, 1908, and opened under the name of Gyeongseong Gamok (a traditional name for a prison). As Korean sovereignty was being infringed by Japan, an Independence Movement was launched by numerous patriotic fighters.

Upset by this movement, the Japanese started to arrest and imprison national patriots. Until the Liberation of Korea on August 15, 1945, Seodaemun Prison served as a clandestine Mecca of the anti-Japanese Independence Movement for many patriotic fighters, where they were imprisoned and barbarically tortured. Many were executed or died from their brutal treatment.



Here we are standing in front of one of the cell block wings. This one was locked if I remember correctly, but one of the others were open to public viewing, and it was very interesting getting to see the solitary cells. Or "The Hole", to anyone who has seen a prison movie at some point in their life. Obviously, with this prison having a real emphasis on torture and execution, the cell conditions were squalid at best. It's doubtful the jailers had any care for the comfort of these prisoners. However, I'd take a week in "The Hole" sleeping in my own waste than endure a couple of days in the "Wall Coffin"!


This delightfully simplistic torture method was open for us to revel in, and we each took a turn getting cosy inside. There is literally no room to move once the door is sealed, and theres is absolutely nothing you can do to increase your comfort. Prisoners were stuck in these coffins for 2 or 3 days at a time, and if they still refused to give their oppressors what they desired, they would exit the box paralyzed from the neck down. Many other methods of torture were graphically displayed, including fingernail ripping, water torture, electro-shock torture, and the sadistic rape of female inmates. All of these images are accompanied by speakers pouring out screams of agony, and the laughs and taunts of the Japanese guards. Our Korean co-worker at school told us they once brought the Kindergarten classes here, and they all started crying. What a surprise!




As well as the pictures you can see here, of the old prison itself, there was a fairly substantial Prison History Hall. Unfortunately, very little of this was translated into English, and the bits that were seemed to just repeat themselves from one display to the next. It did score extra points for having a "Magic Vision" item, which was a funky projected image of actors moving within a model diorama. Very similar to the part in Star Wars where R2-D2 plays the projection of Princess Leia sayi........holy shit that sounds geeky! You'll either know what I'm on about, or you won't.



For a fleeting, terrifying moment I was caught up in the stifling oppressive atmosphere, and feared I had been locked up with a twisted sexual deviant. I don't think I would like jail.



Ah safe on the other side of the bars. Outside we found the most ridiculously huge flag ever, and asked some Korean girls to take our photo.



This homely looking shack could have come straight out of Sunday morning hangover classic, "Little House on the Prairie", if it weren't, in fact, the finely preserved original "Execution House". Outside this enclosure is an ancient ash tree, known as "The Weeping Ash". Prisoners were reknowned for clinging to this tree as they screamed and appealed for mercy one final time before their death. These words were of course futile, falling on largely uninterested ears. Inside the house, prisoners were then seated over a trapdoor, a noose around their neck, and executed. Efficiently, bodies could then be left in the stone bunker below the house, awaiting disposal. We tried to have a look down the steps into this old vault, and into the house itself, to fully appreciate its grim character. I'm sure ex-"Most Haunted" man Derek Acorah would have a field day in here, and sense all kinds of "residual energy". "What's that? Say that again Sam!" Ah I miss shite like Most Haunted a little bit haha!



This is the tunnel used to transport corpses out of the prison compound. A happy place, I'm sure you'll agree. Another joyful location was the Leper House. You can pretty much guess what that was for.



In other recent news I was partially and indirectly to blame for one young boy's miserable experience at the barbers. Alex, pictured standing below, told his Mum he liked "Chris Teacher's" haircut, and persuaded her to let him go for it. When he looked at himself in the mirror afterwards he started sobbing uncontrollably, and wouldn't stop until his Mum bought him this hat to wear. I know this, because she wrote me a nice letter in broken English explaining his traumatic ordeal, and hoping I could comfort him! She said a girl on the street said to him "You look like a monk", which made him cry even harder. Luckily he's a hardy character, and now seems quite proud of his skinhead. Quite right little man! It also helps that the wee mentalist could probably pound the other 53 kids on his own!



Finally, I just finished watching 2 films sharing an aviation theme, Snakes On A Plane, and United 93. As many of you will no doubt know by now, one of these films is equal parts thrilling, horrifying, tense, and entertaining. The other one has snakes in it.

Yes I know it's a "B-Movie" homage, but it's still pish. And no, films like United 93 don't exploit a terrible tragedy in the interests of making money. Load of old arse that is.

Next time......I keep promising a full on look at the children's artistic efforts. I've saved up a bundle, so we can explore and analyze just why Peter from Sue class insists on colouring in Superman to appear naked, while fighting pink planes.

And lastly, a gratuitous picture of Mickey, as he hasn't appeared here for a while. We were down at Fun World one morning with the kids, and he was trying to tell me how to play this game on the old Playstation 2. Even more hilarious than he is cute, he has gone computer game daft recently and now quizzes both Lynne and I on all things Super Mario related. And check the camouflage wife-beater, what a dude!

K-1 Tournament at Dongguk University

K-1 is a kickboxing combat sport that combines standup techniques from Muay Thai, Karate, Taekwondo, Kickboxing and traditional Boxing, among others. The name is a play off the abbreviation of Formula 1, which is F-1. The sport was first formed by Kazuyoshi Ishii, a former Kyokushin karate competition fighter who had formed his own organization, Seido-kaikan karate, in 1980.

The principal object of K-1 is to win by either knockout or by decision. Fights occur inside a ring, as in boxing, and they are fought for three rounds of three minutes each. Extra rounds (also three minutes long) may be fought, if the judges score the fight a draw. Victories are usually achieved by hurting the opponent with kicks to the legs or the head, or using traditional boxing punches, such as the jab, cross or uppercut.

Classic defensive boxing stance is rather ineffective against leg kicks, and fighters are more or less forced to constantly move and counterattack, which is certainly one of the reasons why K-1 fights are seen by many as more dynamic and exciting than boxing fights.

No major K-1 tragedies have been reported; nonetheless, the risk of sustaining a serious injury still exists.

On Saturday we were lucky enough to attend a tournament at Dongguk University in downtown Seoul. Our Irish friend Denis, thanks to his muay thai connections, was able to get us excellent tickets at a discounted price. Cheers Denis!


Myself, Northy, and Denis, started with a big beer on the bus into Seoul at around 1pm. From there we met up with around 6 of Denis' friends, who were all very sound guys. We gorged ourselves on beer and a fix of good old Western grub in Outback Steakhouse, and made our way along to the venue. As you can tell, I'm not getting into much detail, as the videos of people getting pummelled are far more interesting than reading my waffle.

The following video shows the entrance of one of the fighters. I was very impressed by the whole event, it was much flashier than I had imagined. I had something dark and dusty in mind, like the end of Kickboxer when "The Muscles From Brussels" fights Tong Po. You remember.



The next one shows 2 fighters knocking seven shades of kimchi out of each other. Not that they were all Korean of course. All in all, there were around 10 fights, lasting from roughly 5pm to 10pm, with fighters from China, Korea, Japan, USA, and Sweden. Sweden.....not the first country that springs to mind in relation to martial arts, and sure enough the guy was flattened in about 30 seconds. Wherever these 2 were from, watch out for the guy in blue gloves land a beast of a kick to the other guys nose, which proceeds to piss blood everywhere. Violence is bad remember kids.



I've saved the best video til last. This bald guy was hard as nails, and unleashes the biggest kick to the head to claim victory. As Koreans would say...."Nice-uh!" You'll also hear me and Northy drunkenly encouraging this display. We took a fair old carry-out inside of course!




This is a picture of Denis and I trying to look as mental as the fighters earlier on. And failing.




After what was easily one of my favourite events since coming to Korea, we adjourned to the Irish Wolfhound bar in Itaewon, where we drank and made merry til the wee small hours, and I missed a dartboard with every dart I threw. Eventually we came home to Ilsan, and tried a new kalbi to me, Deung Kalbi. Not as crap as it sounds. Geddit? Hilarious. Actual ribs on the bbq, and you each get a very unstylish yet effective heat-proof glove. Delicious. Here are some drunken photos of myself, Lynne, Northy, Denis, Aneta, and Jimmy (fellow baldy, boxer, cool guy). Oh and check the state of Northy in the taxi....genius!

The Halfway Point (The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly)

On September 3rd, we reached the 6 month mark in our first contract here in South Korea. At this stage, many teachers are overjoyed as they can now start counting down the days until their term is complete.

I, however, am relatively nonplussed about this event, for a variety of reasons. The main one being, thankfully, my enthusiasm and excitement for this country and this job have not dimmed in the slightest.

To mark this occassion I will quickly post a summation of the good and bad points, as I see them up until this point, and reflect on whether this has ultimately been a good decision in life. This might not be entirely interesting to a casual reader but I mostly want to document the way I feel right now and contrast it with the way I feel after the year is over.

Don't worry though, the next post will be ridiculous and crazy. In fact, this is probably the only serious post yet!

Coming To Korea (THE GOOD)

• A completely free round-trip airline ticket worth roughly £800
  
• A completely free apartment for a year worth the equivalent of £3600
• A fantastic salary, coupled with a ridiculously low cost of living, means I can pay off £600 of debt per month, and still buy whatever I want.
  
• I've lost 3 stones accidently, my tastes have changed to accept spicy soups and stews which I previously would've cast aside in favour of "something more substantial". Bye-bye bread etc, and don't miss it at all.
• I've made progress with my wrecked knee which feels much stronger. Due partly perhaps to weight loss, but mostly due to the close proximity of the running track, badminton courts, basketball courts, and hikable mountains.
• I've learned a lot about teaching, having had no experience in the past.
• I've had the opportunity to experience a completely different culture, learn a new language, and learn how to be wholly adaptable.
• I'm now much better with children, and completely unafraid to be "touchy-feely" with them. All the kids here are constantly sitting on your lap, stroking your head or arms, or clinging to your legs. Eventually you stop worrying that people are thinking Gary Glitter has entered the building, and it becomes completely natural. Which is a good thing.
  
• Living here means that airfare to China/Thailand/Australia etc, is very cheap, and these are all places we will be able to visit. I think we'll book Xmas in Thailand this week!
• I feel much more proactive, and inspired to learn new things. I now regularly play basketball and badminton, mean to find out about Kendo classes, and am trying to play my new guitar (Thanks Lynne!). Even trying to learn Baduk and Janggi to one day challenge the huddles of cronies in the park.
• Korea has MUCH more entertainment options than back home. More bars, more restaurants, noraebangs, DVD bangs, board game cafes, console bangs, driving ranges, sporting facilities, and cinemas are EVERYWHERE.
• Mountains! EVERYWHERE!
• Korean food is absolutely fantastic. We recently found a kalbi restaurant which charges only 3000W per massive serving of delicious meat. That's about £1.70. With side dishes!
• We have fallen in love with many aspects of Korean life. The emphasis on family, and respect, particular for one's elders. The way eating together is such a huge deal, eating out in Korea is such a grand occassion. So it's nice that this happens every night.
• There is barely any crime here. People leave goods out overnight, bikes and doors unlocked. I have only seen one argument since getting here. (which did result in shards of a soju bottle shaving my cheek!)
• Korea has an endless amount of historical and cultural places to visit.
• It also has numerous quality beaches all around the peninsula.
• Taxis start at £1 and generally don't start to increase until almost 10 minutes into the journey!

Coming to Korea (THE BAD)

• I obviously miss my friends and family back home.
  
• Sometimes I wish I could taste some Scottish Cheddar cheese. MMMmmm. Actually, in general there are some infrequent urges for home food. More out of habit than anything though. Plenty here to fill the void.

Coming to Korea (THE UGLY)

• I have a bizarre rash on both elbows. My feet never used to smell like two small corpses. Must be that bastard Korean washing powder. Useless!
  

So, it's pretty obvious, in conclusion, that I believe this has been a fantastic decision, and life is indeed peachy here. In addition to all of the good points, it also means I can carefully consider what I want to do with my life after returning from Korea. I feel there are many options, so it's just a matter of making my mind up, and there is certainly no desperate hurry to be made. I'm in no rush to simply tick all the boxes and become bedfellows with stability and convention. Not that they are undesirable, but there's still so much to do. Vietcong tunnel networks in Vietnam, The Great Wall of China, The Himalayas..... maybe Lynne and I will open a bar on the beach in Bali? I don't know, but at least we can mull these things over, I've no wrinkles or grey hairs as yet! Maybe I'll return to Dundee and pursue teaching, I know already that it's something I would enjoy.

Ultimately, if I could ship all my friends and family over here, then I can imagine staying for quite a long time. Especially if they loaded up on Cheddar cheese and Irn Bru.

Anyway, if you managed to read through this self-serving existential bullshit, you'll be pleased to know the next post is a return to the Kindergarten Gallery, a look at their artistic and literary treasures. The little scamps!

He Came, He Ate, He Bowed.....

Two weeks ago we had the illustrious honour of welcoming Mr. Alan North to South Korea. This was obviously extremely exciting, as he is a very good friend, and we would at long last get to witness his hippy hair.

I meticulously planned a fantastic first weekend in Korea for him, which is succintly described on North's blog, so I won't get into that crap here. More importantly, let's look at the best bow ever to grace this fair land.

After a delicious meal of dwaeji kalbi and copious amounts of beer and soju, we departed the restaurant, bidding a fond farewell to the friendly and attentive adjumma's who served us. All of a sudden, I felt a blast of air cut through this humid summer night, and turned around to be astonished at the maneouvre Northy had unleashed!

Not content with the normal, polite bow used in Korea, Northy had performed a procedure more reminiscent of those mentally ill people, forever hunched over looking for coins outside of nightclubs. It's difficult to portray the sheer exuberance of this bow through cartoon alone, so please try to imagine the almost aggressive enthusiasm which accompanied it!




If the crippling ninety degree angle wasn't enough, his legs were spread in a manner normally reserved for prison cells, and his arms were outstretched in an attempt to embarass the entire albatross population. Utter genius. However, I had imbibed a shocking amount of alcohol by this point, so this situation may have actually looked more like the next picture. I really can't be sure. Soju does funny things to you.


Also, the green stain is the seaweed soup that was drunkenly spilled earlier on. And.....he possibly wasn't wearing a pink shirt with yellow cuffs, but doesn't it look good.