Norea

See what I did there? Possibly the worst pun in the history of the internet.

With great sadness, I temporarily bid farewell to the "Land Of Morning Calm", and embarked on a ridiculous trip from Seoul to Toronto, via London. Not the best route to take, but it was out of my hands.

Foolishly, the night before this trip was to commence, Northy and I went out for many pitchers of beer and a final songfest in the noraebang. My last few flights were turned into hellish nightmares by hangovers, and I swore it would never happen again. Predictably, I woke up feeling like a pig had shat in my head.

The 12 hour flight from Seoul to Heathrow was uneventful and pleasant enough, but the hangover turned it into a test of endurance. This was made more challenging by watching Jon Heder further destroy those hilarious memories of Napolean Dynamite in a pile of shite called School For Scoundrels. He is clearly as funny as a brick in the face. And Billy Bob Thornton with his diluted version of his Bad Santa character can also hang his head in shame. After that, I couldn't bring myself to watch Step Up, or Employee Of The Month. I would have stabbed my eyes out with my chopsticks.

Getting from Heathrow to Gatwick was easy, although the one and a half hour bus ride was a ridiculous 19 pounds. There's no pound sign on this Canadian computer, how crap. Buses in Korea are so cheap, the longest possible distance not coming to much more than a tenner, and that's for the luxurious "Excellent" buses I have championed for so long!

The Holiday Inn I had reserved was actually pretty plush, and a welcome relief. Managed to do my back in, stupidly taking the stairs with all of my luggage trying to be fit. Idiot. Celebrated the long day with room service. Ever since watching Eddie Murphy order it for the cops outside in Beverly Hills Cop, I've been fascinated with ordering a decent feast from room service, and until now, had never really had the opportunity to indulge. In the film, the food looks great, and Judge Rheinhold looked pretty impressed. That thought stayed with me for about 20 years, how bizarre. Anyway, I ordered the Chili Con Carne and the Greek Salad Pitta, both main meals, and an 18 pound bottle of wine. It was class, but for some reason the fecking Oscars didn't appear on any channels.

When I woke up at 8am, I realised I had fallen asleep before drinking the extortionate wine. With all concept of time being fairly unimportant at this stage of the travelling, I polished the wine off for breakfast, so as not to waste all that money. It was a good start to the day.

This theme continued in Gatwick Airport, as I found myself at the Jack Daniels promotional stand. Having just had a bottle of said beverage confiscated by security, I consoled myself with several free nips and the entertaining cockney banter or the guy manning the stand.

Next up, I had my first pint of Stella in a whole year with lunch. Wow, what a difference from the Korean filth we've drank all year. Having only ever successfully completed one sudoku puzzle in my life, I excitedly purchased Carol Vorderman's Handheld Sudoku game, only to find out I needed a screwdriver to open the back. This meant that the last 2 hours in Gatwick were spent half cut, asking every one I could find for some tools. Still haven't cracked that bastard open. Fuckin stupid Vorderman.

To keep the fun going I accepted any free red wine that came my way on the plane, and indulged in a couple of Molson Canadians. Canadian beer is clearly inferior to European beer, but still miles better than Korean. A few more crap films later (although, shockingly, for the first part of Man Of The Year, Robin Williams threatened to be funny), I arrived in Canada, where the snow was falling thick and fast. Another 2 hour bus ride and I was at my Mum's, absolutely knackered. And that's that for now!

Kindergarten Sledging

The other day we took all the kindergarten kids sledging, and it was superb. The slope is set up, quite bizarrely, underneath the catching net of one of the many, many driving ranges that blight the landscape of Korean suburbs. When we first arrived in Korea, I thought all of these skeletal frameworks draped in green mesh were construction sites, and it took me a good couple of months before realising their true purpose.




Here are Susie and myself, preparing to hurtle down the hill at warp speed. Susie came to our school halfway through the year, and quickly became one of our favourites. Not only for being cute, but for being an absolute nutcase. She laughed her head off all the way down the hill, unlike some of the more delicate kids, who looked like they were stiff with fear after a shot on the Waddell Supersledge. I still need to post the video of Susie's "Panty, Panty" dance, with a pair of y-fronts she artistically fashioned from a piece of paper and paraded around the room. Tony Hart would be proud.




Who do we have here? From left to right; Dorothy (who got lost at the end), Selina, some random unhappy kid, Katy, Mina Teacher, Judy Teacher.



And here we have; Peter and Ustina (back), Eugene and Ryan (front). The boys are all from Sue Class, which has probably become our favourite class to teach. For starters, there are now only 7 of them. Most of all, we love them because they will enthusiastically play any game you give them. If the game was something terrible like....."Write down your ABC's as many times as you can in 30 minutes", they would all compete with such zeal like it's the World Cup Final or something. Ryan is shockingly good at wordsearches. I mean it. He's only 6 but there's a very definite threat of him beating you in a race. Yes, you!




Oh, cute, potty-mouthed June, how we miss you. June has been part of the unfortunate mass exodus from our school in light of the many dodgy dealings, and imminent closure. "The Jamesgate Scandal". June has jug ears, a fantastically asian floppy bowl-cut, and a tendency to misbehave, all of which combine to make him a favourite among us. He calls me "Bear Teacher", and insists I call him "Gorilla June". For some reason, June and I didn't achieve warp speed in the same way Susie and I had, and we kept grinding to a halt. When I tried to push him down on his own, he scrambled to his feet, pointed to the sledge and insisted "Teacher, anja, anja!". This means "Sit, sit!", in the most informal way. He shouldn't really be talking to a teacher that way ("anjuseyo" is the polite form, but he should be speaking in English really!), but given our desperate mid-slope situation, and his good-hearted intentions, it was no problem. I sat down, and this tiny wee kid dragged my bulk down the remainder of the slope, before finally coming a cropper underneath the sledge. He is hilarious. Here's a video......

Boeun - The Armpit of Korea

This post is specifically a picture postcard to Ross, reminding him of the beautiful Shangri-La known as.....Boeun. The first time I had the pleasure of seeing this town, was in the company of Ross, and it was clear that it held a special place in his heart.

Last weekend, Lynne and I revisited Beopjusa (the temple with the huge Buddha, remember?), and hiked in Songnisan National Park. To get to this temple, you must travel through Boeun, which is an added bonus. Perusing the Boeun section of my Moon Handbook of South Korea, an embarrassment of riches were revealed , including....

"...known for its production of full-flavoured jujubes.....",
"...one of the nation's satellite communications earth stations is located east of town....", and,
"...the gateway to Songnisan National Park..."

Not a lot to shout about then, but has this book REALLY scraped beneath the surface of this picturesque community?

(As you approach Boeun, you can see one of the most affluent suburbs almost reflected in the murky pool created by the sewage outlet. The water park will be completed in 2012)

(Boeun Intercity Bus Terminal. In order to park in this station the bus driver must skilfully execute a 10 point turn. The station has an empty vending machine, a picture of a Twix, boarded up windows, and a young boy playing a banjo on the front steps.)

(The construction so prevalent in Boeun illustrates it's status as an ever expanding and ambitious town, with a keen focus on solidifying it's reputation as a popular holiday resort. This building, the new county dog-fighting arena, should secure more visitors in the coming years)

(Downtown Boeun. In the foreground you can see a shop that makes metal doors, the main export of Boeun. After full-flavoured jujubes.)

(A typical Boeun apartment block. The adventure playground out in front comes complete with broken soju bottles, a stack of concrete slabs, and assorted old tires containing festering pools of hepatitis C.)

If any teachers actually didn't research their job locations, and ended up stuck in Boeun for a year, I think I would die from laughing. I bet it's happened!