Busan Holiday Part Three (The Tower, The Market, and The Penis Creatures)

Ah Busan. It feels like an eon ago, because it was. No goats to eat, or beer to be drank, on this final day. Only towers to climb, and fish markets to experience. Hence this post is genuinely all pictures, with the odd caption.

The main reason for this, is that my good friend Alan "Northy" North has landed on Korean shores, and there has been, and will be, much more comical hi-jinx to report.

For example, Northy unleashed the most fantastically exaggerated bow ever seen, which my next post will illustrate in an artistic reconstuction, pending Northy's approval. Actually, sod the approval, it's an absolutely legendary maneouvre and I'd be doing the world a terrible disservice by not sharing the hilarity.











Busan Tower, in Yongdulsan Park. Nice views of the city, although the crazy heat made it a bit hazy.




Yongdulsan Park had quite a few interesting statues, including this quality oriental dragon, and Admiral Yi. History tells us, that Admiral Yi was "a hard bastard".


I bet you didn't believe me! As you can see we either have some bizarre sea-creatures, or some severed wangers. Looking at them, your first impression would certainly be the latter, which makes it all the more surreal and discomforting when you see them squirming around on their own. It was honestly like a basket of demonically possessed chopped cocks. Or a group audition for an X-Rated Addams Family movie. That's enough of that.....what other delights and treasures did we spot at Jagalchi Fish Market?


No idea. But they do not look tasty.


These things hanging up were bat skeletons. Lord knows why.


A bowl of hacked off chicken feet. This pretty much reads like a Witch's shopping list I guess.



As previously mentioned, Busan is a huge port city, meaning there is an abundance of Russian sailors, seafood restaurants, fishing trawlers, and dodgy "ladies of the night".


The woman above was very kind looking. Like the other 100, I politely declined to chomp into any of her fish. Most of these stalls are run by the famous "Jagalchi Fish Women", who apparently have almost their own dialect. This was fairly obvious from the constant rasping, guttural noises emanating from their throats. Charlotte "Voice of an Angel" Church they are not.




A tempting "Pick 'N Mix" selection. Much better than chocolate tools, kola kubes, and flying saucers.

Yum.

Busan Holiday Part Two (The Sun, The Sea, and The Beer)

We awoke on our second day to the same intense heat and clear blue skies that had been present since our arrival. As everyone knows, such weather is sure to activate the "beer trigger" within you, and send you scurrying in the direction of the nearest beer garden. Or at least to a park via the local off-license. Classy.

Luckily for us, our plan for the entire day was simply to load up on beverages and set up camp on the famous Haeundae beach. We went for lunch at a franchised Korean place that we love, only to have our Korean menus switched for one with English translations. We feigned offence and switched back to the original one. Obviously, we would never really be offended by that, certainly not in a tourist spot like Haeundae, and also knowing of so many foreigners who just ignorantly never bother to learn any Korean. Also, if you went by the English version, 30 items were merely "Noodles", about 20 "Meat", and the rest simply "Rice Dish". A bit vague considering each one is vastly different!



This is obviously not my chosen attire for a day in the sun, it's a picture from the previous day, but it at least shows the spot on the beach we called home for the day. Due to excessive sun and alcohol, there are precious few beach photos from day two! Haeundae is famous mostly for being extremely over-crowded (some reports claim as many as 500,000 at peak-times, but that's surely madness), and being a surreal sea of brightly coloured umbrellas. It was, indeed, ridiculously crowded, but mostly down at the western end, far into the distance of this photo nearer the big hotels. The hotels without the dildo machines I imagine. This part of the beach was by total contradiction, sparsely populated and nice and quiet! I can only attribute that to the lack of parasols set up here, possibly due to a slight rocky ridge in the sea opposite, or the mass of construction backing the promenade. Construction = No Parasols = No Koreans.




(Sun, beer, and music.....Oh Yes!)

Of course, when relaxing on the beach, you would surely not be positioned with your back to the sea, so a little construction behind you was not going to ruin the fun. Anyway, it was silent construction. Before embarking upon our beach booze-a-thon, we had scoffed many times at Koreans coming to the beach to sit entirely in the shade of an umbrella. What we found out, however, was that there was method in their madness. Namely, staying alive. As we sprawled onto our cheap mat, the only people around in the full death-ray of the sun, we chuckled about how hot the sand had been walking over here. These chuckles soon disappeared as every pore proceeded to squirt sweat, and within a minute I was sliding off of the mat due to the puddle under my back. Honestly, it was unbearable. After around the 5 minute mark, I sheepishly sloped off to rent a parasol for us after all. After that, we indulged in many rapidly warming beers, and surprisingly tasty "KGB" vodka/lemon concoctions.



Ah the worldwide crap game of throwing darts at balloons in in the hope of securing one of many crap prizes. In this case I managed a poor 3 out of 5, which meant I had managed to win my sweetheart a grand prize. Yes, while other couples strolled down the promenade, the man carrying his personalised darts, the woman a stupidly oversized cuddly toy, Lynne proudly held the miniature fake Burberry teddy bear key ring I had won her.



As someone pathetically unable to drive, I can't really pass comment on this picture. But, the word on the street was that there are substantially less road traffic accidents in Busan than anywhere else in the world.


We stayed on the beach until the sun went down, and then went off to meet our new Busan friend for a few drinks.

And that's about it, not much to tell really when you're lying on a beach drinking for about 8 hours. Except that it was obviously another great day! Stay tuned for Part 3 and the amazing "Seacocks"!

Busan Holiday Part One (The Mountain, The Temple, and The Tasty Goat)

A couple of weeks back we were freed from the shackles of teaching to embark on the first of our two annual holidays. At first, the plan had been to take a package trip to China, taking in such famous sights as The Great Wall and Tiananman Square, but this was eventually shelved due to financial constraints. In rough translation, my retarded misuse of money in the past, which I'm now working hard to rectify! Next, we decided to visit Jeju-do, the island off the south coast, but figured it's not going to be that much cheaper in the long run. Finally, we settled for a week in Busan, originally our first choice for living/working in Korea, mainly for its many beaches. Due to this being quite the tourist hot-spot, especially for Koreans it would seem (surprisingly few "white devils"!), we probably could have gone to China after all, but hey you live and learn eh. Don't get me wrong though, Busan was still an excellent substitute, as you will find out over the course of this 3 part epic.

After a minor setback to our original schedule, involving a noraebang and a bottle of putrid makkoli, we set off on Tuesday. While we are no strangers to ridiculously long bus journeys, we decided to make use of the relatively new KTX bullet train, taking the duration of the journey down from 5h 20m (bus or train), to a much nicer 2h50m. As expected, the KTX fairly flies along, at something like 300km/h. Is that fast? I've been on more planes than bloody trains in my life so I can't tell you how much of an improvement that is over your standard train. Unfortunately, we were seated backwards, and far to close to the "World's Noisiest Eater" with a bottomless box of kimbab. A brutal combination, thank God for MP3's.

With Busan being our original desired location, I had geeked up quite a bit on it, and still remembered the general layout of the city, and the subway system. Which is very tragic and sad. I'm turning into a map fanatic, someone should probably give me a savage beating before it gets out of control. We boarded the subway, Lynne carrying a bag so collosal she looked like a refugee, but it contained only necessary items, like 5 pairs of shoes, 3 hairdryers, and her entire summer wardrobe. I suppose it's quite easy to be a guy. Hmmm away for 5 days.....5 socks, 5 boxers, 5 t-shirts, 3 shorts.....done. Lynne hurry up eh! On the subway, we quickly made a Busan friend called Ee-Jun, or E.J. for short. She had studied in Vancouver for a year and had excellent english, so there wasn't the usual awkward silences and repetition of stock phrases like with some Korean conversations! She gave us some useful advice on things to do, and pointed us towards the beach once we had reached Haeundae Station, so we arranged to meet up a couple of nights later for some boozing.


We walked along the beach, which was very impressive, towards a cluster of "Love Motels" at the far end. The one we chose had fantastic rooms, the "beach-side" ones a fairly pricey 90,000W, the "city-side" ones a slightly better 60,000W. In the end we decided the view was so amazing we should begin throwing our money away (actually that started when we chose KTX) by staying there one night, and moving across the hall for the following 3 nights. While this Love Motel was sadly lacking the "Pleasure Chair" we had in Incheon, it did have an inconspicuous vending machine in the foyer. Where you would expect to see Space Raiders, Dairy Milks, and Skittles, you saw them replaced by vibrators, love beads, and assorted lubricants. This will sound fairly sleazy (or fantastic) to some folks back home, but it's completely at odds with the rooms themselves which are often much better than a "normal" hotel, and for a fraction of the price. Here's me knowingly posing like a fool in the splended "Hotel Waikiki" sexy robe.



Is this post quite dull so far? I think it might be, that's due to it being 6am and I can't sleep, so I'm blethering a load of pish. I think it's because I'm very excited to be meeting up with my good friend Northy later this morning. I just can't wait to see the thatched weave of hippy hair that he's been cultivating. An unnamed mutual friend says he looks like the singer in Keane, and it's hard to sleep with that gruesome image in mind.

Anyway, Day One was devoted to visiting Beomeo-sa temple, one of the most culturally and historically significant in Korea, and Geumjeong Fortress. Having studied our trusty Moon Handbook of Korea, this latter destination held particular interest to myself, as apparently you can eat some cute little goats up there. I was not to be disappointed. What I didn't realise, was that it was up a huge mountain. Lynne was to be, very disappointed. Oops!



We are almost at the point, in our Korean experience, where many temples and palaces are starting to blend together a little and become indistinguishable from each other. Certainly, for anyone reading this blog, you may feel you've seen the same photo a few times now. But each place really does have its own character and atmosphere, not to mention their different history and significance. This was especially true of Beomeo-sa, and we had a great time exploring the grounds. While retaining a very spiritual and tranquil ambience, it is also quite a busy place, as many practicing Buddhists make the arduous uphill journey daily to meditate and pray. It was very interesting to witness this, and as an experience was much more human and involving than visiting a lifeless extinct palace, however grand it may be. If you are interested in the history of Beomeo-sa temple click here.

The best part, of course, is that the temple is known as "Where Fish From Nirvana Play". Rock and Roll. Here are some pictures, with comments underneath.........



A colourful Buddhist deity, possibly peeling out the solo from "Scentless Apprentice". Like I said, rock and roll.


Like most important structures in Korea, many buildings within Beomeo-sa were burned to the ground by those pesky Japanese during the Imjin Invasions of 1592. This part remained standing and it looked extremely old. The parts of the temple that were destroyed, were rebuilt in 1602, so still very old. Wouldn't quite be the same if all this stuff was rebuilt in 1998 or something! Look, it's real bamboo! I think that's the first time I've seen bamboo growing naturally. A truly exciting moment I'm sure you'll agree haha!


What's happening here? Well, I'm possibly being attact by a large ant or spider, I can't remember. I had to buy a hat as it was unbearably hot, and I didn't want a sunburned chrome dome.


When not meditating or acheiving enlightenment, monks enjoy playing rugby. The Beomeo-sa team has performed well in the last 2 seasons, finishing top of the Inter-Temple Rugby League, despite losing their star scrum-half to missionary duties. Good Job!


This massive boulder bears the names of many important monks and priests who have visited Beomeo-sa.



The temple is set in the lush surroundings of Geumjeongsan, which looked particularly nice with the quality weather.



It's me again, what a poser.



Lynne and I standing in "The Temple Of Enlightenment". We weren't entirely sure if we were allowed to enter, but we at least had the respect to take our shoes off. Some kindly Russian sailors took this photo for us. Busan has a fairly strong Russian contingent, due to it being a huge port.



I think this is an excellent photo, well done Lynne! Looking at it, you really feel ashamed to be invading their privacy, they look so at peace. It really captured the moment. This time next year Lynne will be working for the News Of The World, taking covert snaps of Pete Doherty snorting lines of bleach off of hookers.





I knew we had 2 choices to get from Beomeo-sa to Geumjeongsanseong ("sanseong" = fortress).
Get the bus back down to the subway, go about 6 stops, get on a cable car, and hey presto. That would be the sensible route. However, I also remembered something from the trusty guidebook about a trail leading from the temple to the fortress. This decision came down to the ease and distance of the trail, as Lynne didn't have the best shoes on for a big hike, and it was about 34 degrees. Cue a fantastically futile effort to speak Korean to some of the locals. I attempted to ask whether the trail was "easy or difficult" (in Korean).

"Easy or hard"? Nope that's not working. By now about 6 old-timers are brainstorming what we are trying to say.

I say the destination "Geumjeongsanseong". Yep, they know that one. I point to the start of the trail. "Easy or hard"? Nothing. I write it in Korean, as I'm probably pronouncing it wrong. They look at each other, bewildered and chuckling.

I add in a finger example, first walking steeply up my left hand, then walking casually up a slightly uphill left hand. They think I'm crazy.

I add to this performance some theatrical huffing and puffing. Someone helpfully points to the start of the trail.

This is fairly typical, of course it's our fault for not speaking the language, and in any case, it's comical rather than frustrating. We have a breakthrough in the end, and it sounds like it will be a very easy walk, and a mere 40 minutes to the North Gate "fast-walking", so decide to give it a shot.




We soon find, that not only is it much further than they implied, but its extremely steep and rugged. We were positively pissing sweat out of every pore! I was not Lynne's favourite person at this point!


Finally, after ascending to quite an altitude, the ground levelled out and we found ourselves walking through a mountain valley, towards the old North Gate of the fortress. By this point I had performed a Madonna style costume change, opting for the coolness of a fashionable Korean tank-top which was 2 sizes too small, making me look a little like Dafydd from Little Britain. "I'm the only gay on this mountain!"



I just realised, these pictures are clickable, so if you want to hear about the fortress click the picture above to enlarge it.






Some pictures from the mountain. There aren't any buildings, just the old fortress wall to follow. We decided to attempt to walk from the North Gate to the East Gate, and get the cable car (that we should have come up in) back down. This took 4 bloody hours haha! Luckily it was an amazing walk, with stunning views all around. I'm wearing a ridiculous wicker hat for the novelty and it only cost about a pound. By the time we arrived at the East Gate, I looked at the map with horror, and tried to think of the best way to break the news to Lynne that the cable car was in fact located at the South Gate, another 3km away. It was already starting to get a little dark. To then make matters worse, a Korean man told us the cable car stopped about an hour ago. This did little to give us hope, and we started to feel a little stranded. Luckily, through the trees I spotted a tatty striped awning, and a goat wandering around! We may be stuck up a mountain, but at least I can eat some goat. We were welcomed by a man weilding a rusty scythe and eyeing us suspiciously, but his distrust turned to outright enthusiasm when I told him I'd like to sample some of his goats.

They claimed it would cost me 25,000W to eat some, a shocking £17! Calling upon my old dubious salesman superpowers, I used a clinical mixture of dejection, rapport, and poverty to drop this price to a more reasonable 15,000W. Game on. Here are some pictures of how the goat looked, before, and after it's visit to the kitchen.





Yes it appears I forgot to suck my gut in for this picture. Ah well. Although a little bit chewy at times, goat didn't taste that much different from other kalbi meats, and I'd recommend trying it if you're ever up that way. The man also gave us some free homemade makkoli to help wash it down and give us a buzz for the journey home. We were also delighted to hear there was a bus stop 10 minutes from the East Gate, so we were soon homeward bound, tired and happy, looking forward to the next days plan of getting pished on the beach all day!

Which is where I'll pick things up in Part 2 soon!

Incheon Pentaport Rock Festival (The Abridged Version)

As you may well know, we just returned from our summer holiday down to the sunny beaches, and rugged mountains of Busan. There is obviously much to tell regarding this little adventure, a veritable whirlwind of goat-eating, beer-drinking, and sun-lounging activity, so I need to catch up with some past events.

The 29th of July is a very special day in the Korean calender. Not only was it the day I was born unto this world to teach them the ways of English, but in 2006 it also marked the first ever Korean Rock Festival, held in nearby Incheon. Headliners of the 3 day event were The Strokes, Placebo, and Franz Ferdinand. Other acts included Snow Patrol, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and in the most unexpected comeback of the year, those quasi-spiritual posh twats Kula Shaker. Plus loads of Asian bands, hurrah!

Due to a lack of time, this is the abridged version of that entertaining weekend. And for all those who failed to send a birthday email, shame on you! Also, in case the title of the post is lost on you....

abridged

adj : (used of texts) shortened by condensing or rewriting; "an abridged version"

Possible patronising over with, here are the pictures of a festival so stripped down and unglamourous, it made T In The Park look like Royal Ascot.



A typical scene from Pentaport. At times the mud was past ankle deep, and many solitary sunken shoes punctuated the main field like little tombstones. Clever Lynne bought a pair of green wellies outside, so while she was not going to win any fashion contests, she would at least be going home with both feet dry.


I scanned the area for the "Services" as advertised in the fantastically free festival program hung fashionably around my neck. You'd be paying about a tenner for those at festivals back home! Bonus points for Pentaport. In a typical show of Koreaness, you also received 2 free tins of deodorant upon entering the site. Very strange, as Koreans don't wear deodorant normally and it's a nightmare trying to track some down! Anyway, you can see my delight at locating the "T Street Fun and Food Zone", doesn't it look enticing!




We couldn't go on the Friday due to having to teach the kiddies more Dundee dialect, so arrived as festivities kicked off on the Saturday for the remainder of the weekend. Our group included myself and Lynne, Ross and Amy, and their friends Cat, Kelly and Craig from Cheongju. First thing I did was apologize to those 3 for my drunken state the previous weekend when we went down to visit. I will forever be thought of as "Bondeggi Breath". We booked into a Yeogwan ("Love Motel"), and debated over who got the room with the sado-masochistic sex chair in it, complete with instructional video. In the end, Ross, Amy, me and Lynne stayed in that room.....and what happened in Incheon, of course, stays in Incheon.



Seeing as we all, mostly, had to work on Monday morning, the best plan was to get smashed all day Saturday, which we did. More bonus points for Pentaport, was the decent fizzy pints of beer for very reasonable amount of Won. Also, there was a fine variety of spirits available, from Jaegermeister to fine Single Malt whisky.



Can you imagine doing this at a UK festival? Those bottles of booze would be swiped within 10 minutes, and some cock would have leant over to shout his order and set his Keane t-shirt ablaze. Which would be fair punishment.


Can you spot 5 retards in this picture. I'll give you a clue, they are all caucasian.



Highlight of the weekend, a fat, red-spandexed, silver face painted, short-arsed Korean guy called "Si". Utter genius. I don't even need to describe the music to you. After that physical description you just know it was utter genius. I was almost inconsolable when he didn't fly around on wires as Ross had promised. Boo! Hiss!



Usually my eyes give away the fact I'm smashed, but for the first time ever I look fairly lucid in this picture. Unfortunately the spilt pint of beer down my front gives the game away.







At one point Lynne, Ross and I managed to get lost, and ended up watching a Korean version of Linkin Park. I can't comment on the rumours that this was the music they played into Saddam's hole to force him out. But it's definitely possible.


Look it's Scotland's own Franz Ferdinand! In Korea! Why Alex Kapranos seemed to talk in a Texan drawl throughout is anybodies guess, and when he fell on his arse during the third song it looked like there was going to be a diva-style tantrum, but overall, of course, it was quality, and the place unsurprisingly went ballistic for "Take Me Out".

I'm afraid I can't comment on Placebo, as we were drunk and rolling around in the mud for most of the set. All I remember, is that "Dundee's Forgotten Son", Brian Molko has finally came to terms with his bald spot and shaved the whole lot off. This makes him look even stranger and it was hard to take your eyes off him, a mixture of fascination and pity, much like you'd give someone with really bright ginger hair. The real deal mind, none of that "Ooooh it's auburn", half-assed gingerness. Almost a shame to be drunk, as I was looking forward to hearing their early stuff, but it turns out they barely played any anyway.

Biggest shock of the weekend were the Blackeyed Peas. I had berated them constantly in the run-up to Pentaport, and they turned out to be fairly entertaining. I won't be buying any of that shite, but they are a pretty enjoyable festival band I suppose.

Well, that's it....after taking our turn on the floor of the Love Motel, Lynne and I got up at 6am for a 2 hour subway journey home. Yup, that's one big subway system!

And one final thing, don't pet any cute dogs in Incheon, as it's liable to bite your shoe and rip it right down the side. Hope the little bastard was "Soup-bound"!